Exile, Or An Open Letter To Christopher Patrick Reyher

When reviewing a piece that we’re planning to re-record and re-issue. how relevant it was to what happens to be in the moment can be jarring.  How easily we are misled by others to find ourselves exiled, how easily we believe in them, the preconception that both sides of the equation are equal, a reciprocation of appreciation. The reality is a stark contrast giving what that a moment might have meant, it will always be one sided, who cares the least maintains power over who cares the most until the inevitable strain to a breaking point, then someone walks away.  The outcome, one wounded, the other seeking more power.  What if the act were out of self-preservation?, to preserve not only one’s self, yet leaving the other as they were before their insecurities were infringed upon, as if they had never been encountered by the force of knowing another.  How can this be accomplished without creating a void in both lives?  We can be treacherous creatures, we rarely mean what we say and do so for an expedient short term gain at the cost of another, we say we love one another as a platitude, using what ever emotional capital the other built up against each other.  In our approaches to others, our first impulse is to change them into something we want them to be, an ideal, instead of exploring the reality what makes their existence unique.

In some larger sense we all live in exile from each other.  It’s at this point where I have the epiphany that I don’t have to be a part of any of that side of human nature, however that means total exile.  And I can say that I peered deep inside of you, I got lost in your darkness and could not escape upon your refusal to show me light, I’ll have to learn to live with that.  It’s best not to have any expectations of others, the disappointment costs too much when they ask you to believe. People leave each other with such abandon like amnesiacs without regard for their actions, with excuses for their selfishness.  It’s confusing to me, as I’ve never had cause to leave a person I cared about behind in any manner, leaving me to wonder if I have all of this wrong, however it’s not in my nature to think of people as consumer items.  Most of the world are slaves to their insecurities and to reveal them costs too much image capital.  I’d prefer to be a slave to my ethics, my insecurities have always been on display.  This may be the last you hear of me for awhile, although there is an uncertainty in that. If so, someone else will keep this updated.

We came into this very young, for us it was never about anything but the music, the art, and how we could expand our abilities and concepts into cohesive frameworks.  It has never been about personality or achieving something grandiose, if there is a market value on myself, I’d consider it being a novelty.  We’ve always been honest, never made promises we couldn’t keep, and tried never to behave like petulant children.  I’ve been enormously grateful for this opportunity, and have every confidence that all of this can continue without me in the meantime if it comes down to that decision.  Much of this impinges on how communicative a few people will choose to be, or if they were just mirages and I had been misled as to the intentions towards me, I would prefer their truths as harsh as it could be, and I realize these individuals may not be capable of making the admission that I was intentionally misled at a critical point in my life after experiencing a loss. To be clear, I’m not forcing anyone’s hand and it in no way involves any friction within the band’s several projects. We’ve tried to keep the interference of personal issues to a minimum, unfortunately those worlds sometimes collide, and this is one of those times, and those issues are mine, taking a step back to get some perspective is possibility.  I apologize in advance for any missteps I’ve made or for a situation that may or may not occur.

Denial is the betray with the broadest shoulders.



Exile  (Radio Edit)

Wounded to wander in search of… Where i came from… …Where I was going
No sense of normalcy…  …Doubt in this soul… Deeper than I ever imagined…
Nothing down here to keep me warm  …The clothes on my back are soaking through…

And now my hands are bound by your insecurities…   And I still can’t stay warm…

I’m fading alone…  Confinement in this enormity… Behind me…  Like a million reasons why
Guide me to end this slide…  …Before the skin is torn all the way down
Herein locks my mistakes… To a shamelessly tortured tilting way  …Blurring up reception…
Or maybe I was misled by the hopes of what we could have been
Could we reach another place from here to help me become something
Who will show me out of here…  Someone who’s on the rocks
Someone forgotten…  Please show me out of here
Too close… You’re in this situtation… …Seems to be your question
Could have made it known… Identified… ,,,That’s not enough… …It’s bound to come back to me

So I sit and think… Endlessly it seems my senses reveal the truth
Pushing me back again alone… …Can you make me help myself

Hope in these times is lost within a lonely space…  So I take away this moment now…
Finding out how your world was meant to be …Meantime you can’t seem to understand
That you may never really see me through… This act is always…  …Always so one sided
Push myself beyond the troubled spots…  …To execute the plan for us
Show me all the ways it used to be… …Someone forgotten…  Please show me out of here…