It’s problematic to address personal issues here, as this was never meant to be a designated space for such, nor would it have ever seemed appropriate to. However push sometimes comes to shove, where such topics must be addressed in order to move through them. During an ongoing period of vulnerability I could have made miscalculations concerning the intentions a few individuals had towards me. Had it been made clear from the beginning that whomever simply wanted attention for the moment, having no intention of being reciprocal, I would have understood, I was not given that option, in that people are not honest with their intentions. In these instances, emotional investment is required of me under the guise of reciprocal relationships, the result being anything but. It leads to situations of being strung along, only picked up when needed, being secretive, and being lied to. It begs the question, how people like this function in the other facets of their lives with their priorities so unbalanced, even though the answer is blatantly obvious, it is a cycle of behavior by which they live, something they are unwilling to correct, as they get their attention, wishing to remain oblivious to the hurt they leave in their wake. It’s a system of another’s denial I am being encouraged to participate in, which just perpetuates their cycle of potentially abusive behavior. Aaron, in an attempt to be well meaning has in some way been helpful, however the rift between Aaron and myself involves some things that can simply not be repaired, (None of this has to do with Aaron or the band). Actions have consequences. In the case of a need for attention, some people won’t think things through, resulting in another’s pain as they are discarded, but left dangling. In this scenario, what is expected from me is to remain the object left dangling. If I were to make a pronouncement of resentment or anger, it’s too easy to put me in my place under the conditions of which I offered to participate ethically. These situations could be corrected, though it requires the admission that it has transpired, which I would understand, I doubt the willingness is there to do so. I can resign myself to simply live with another’s deceit, or I can remove myself from the equation. It points out to me that I am nothing more than a novelty.
Forget My Name