Aaron Housos James

Aaron here. Let’s talk about relationships again and how we sabotage them.  I wasn’t planning to do an update but on one hand I was presented with a series of urgent questions I didn’t understand and on the other hand a devastated bandmate.  On a third hand I know there is some outside interference in that relationship, (Wait people I’m not it), the outside influence comes in the form of needing to conform to social pressures (i.e. bs insecurities), and a person or two outside of the  situation trying to influence it, (no, not me).  These are people who like drama, control, and manipulating because they want attention and like destroying things that don’t benefit them.  This is part of this scenario I’m not supposed to know about but it was easy to piece together, I’m just not dropping any names, and goes back to SZ’s Op Exile update and every update after it, because he was getting pushed into a corner, never mentioning it to me.  Now in the insecure mind, (I have one), we will make the colossal mistake about asking people outside of their relationship for perspective, and they are going to ask the people who will side with those insecurities instead of dealing with them, so they are just getting manipulated and not dealing with their insecurities which is just going to sabotage the whole relationship, causing unnecessary pain to the point of throwing that important relationship away.  Not realizing that those insecurities, means that there is something that would have made that relationship much richer if they could be gotten over.  I never made the mistake of asking people outside of any of my two significant relationships for advice or perspective, with the exception of asking their family members, those are the people who have the best interests of everyone in mind, in this situation I have been a family member.  Acquaintances are something we can take casually, relationships are most definitely not, they are rare and precious and for most people they won’t happen, labeling them is perilous, putting rules and limits on them is perilous because that means we are changing who is in that relationship and that pushes them away, and what we push away we won’t get back. What we try to change in another person is what we are in denial of about ourselves.  I’ve been fortunate in this regard, the most important relationship I’ve been in was a challenge to face my demons but I was never pushed to do so, in fact I was in control of everything due to the self-sacrificing nature of my partner which made me want to appease my partner.  I was presented with a statement about not being content in a relationship in some kind of context that there is more elsewhere, that my friend is a fantasy and a perilous one, because you already know from previous experience, there is nothing but a hollow, and that hollow led you to the comfort that you now have, which is a fantasy for others, contentment is a failure of diving deeper into that comfort and exploring. It’s perilous not to face your demons, the larger truth is that we are responsible for our own actions, our partners are not. If they are hurt, it is up to us to understand and be willing to sacrifice our insecurities to heal their wounds before it’s too late.

A update to my update.  Three things, first, we want to wish Name Redacted a happy birthday, we’re grateful he’s part of the Films Crew family.  Second, To two very special people that found each other through a once in a lifetime circumstance, that have found something so special, don’t let doubts get in the way, communicate without restriction, love each other, be as one, what you have is beautiful.  Third, To one of those two very special people, most things in your life have been one sided, it doesn’t seem what you’ve found is one sided.

This is why we write songs like this


About Aaron Housos James

A founding member of FilmsCrewBand, Aaron is a multi-instrumentalist and mental health advocate and political activist, with an excellent work ethic.
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