Rant.

I’m sitting here,
Listening to solutions I already know.

I stretch out, my body screams,
And I’m ready to go.

These wounds can rip through all of me
as I lust for her.

These pangs of tortured jealousy
is more than I can bear.

And as my heart tears through my skin,
I start to feel anew.

My desires are released into the wild,
Pain I can breathe through.

Journeys only take you so far,
Adventure’s where I wanna be.

I liked my eyes today, they ravaged you,
Today I actually loved me.

What do I have to hide?
Nothing anymore.

My hands continuously shaking,
Reaching out for that door.

Point the finger, I dare you,
But what of your sins?

I’d give you the world,
If only you’d let me in.

The infinite bliss of ignorance can only go so far,
Hold on for so long..

This neon bottle meets the glass one
to make a mixture deeper than political fashion.

I embraced the world today,
And look where I am now.

I slept in your skin last night,
And look where I am now.

——————–

I can catch my troubles into a jar and drink it all away.
But I can never forget how you stole my heart
and ran from me that day.

I’m mechanical with my own little reckless moments.
And now I’m stepping towards a door
I’m so unsure to open.

There’s only so much left to tear apart,
But go for it, I dare you.

At least you’d show your presence then.

Don’t ask me if I’m okay because I sure as hell ain’t.

I’m on the edge and the only way to go from here is down.

The world is on my ass,
My god is out to get me,
I swear it, I swear it..

I’d give anything for a minute of your comfort.

My pen won’t leave this paper for fear I’ll lose my mind.
My fingers won’t pry my heart back for fear I’ll lose my life.

I can’t hold up the debris crashing down on me.

You plague me like a disease..
You take me over so easily…

How do I escape?
When will you free me?

Here’s the empty space you left,
why won’t you put it back?

My heart’s still bleeding from the wounds you’ve inflicted,
I just got really damn good at hiding it.

——————-

You lied to me, cried for me,
Why can’t we be something
with a bit more meaning?

I saw you today,
My heart stopped beating.
I craved it all tonight,
With my hatred seething.

I feel sick to my stomach,
There’s a chill in my bones,
All because I can never go home.

Don’t die for me, cry for me,
All I wanted was your love and your home,
But now, here we are, both alone.

Because you know the liars
throw themselves into the fire,
Did it turn out for the best?

I dislike silly boys
who love me for silly reasons,
I never played you like a toy
like you did throughout the seasons.

I feel sick to my stomach,
A chill deep in my bones,
All because I’ll never have a home.

Don’t die for me, cry for me,
All I wanted was your love and your home,
Now look where we are, all alone.

The broken pain on your face
puts temptation into place,
I thought I could do it on my own.

So here I am, caught in the grasp,
of writing songs and cigarettes..
And here I stand, undoing clasps,
due to my lack of “no regrets”.

I feel sick to my stomach,
This fever settling into my bones,
All because I’ve left behind…

I left behind..

The place I called home.

————-

I feel a hand grabbing at me roughly,
shaking me violently,
urging my body to wake despite it’s refusal.

I subject to your standards while you subtly object mine.
I’m in need of you again…consuming me deeper than my worries.

Your poisonous lips attract mine to them,
spreading the venom between us,
weakening my lungs, rushing my heart,
Please don’t kill me so slowly.

You search in my eyes for something…
Life? Love? Hatred? Lust? Heartbreak? Answers?
Your own eyes answer back with unsure reluctance,
like you weren’t expecting my voice.

Your objectives are unknown
while uncommon actions come
from you almost daily now.

The solutions- options in your eyes- are before us,
found deep in the crevices of understanding love.

Multiple times you pulled me up,
The look in your eyes constantly varying,
Looks of vengeance, love, lust, anger,
Calling, pulling out your actions.

You lie to my fanatic crowd,
They accept and believe it but refuse to accept you,
Turning their backs on the both of us.

I frantically run to them,
Crying out whole truths,
Pleading forgiveness and understanding,
They think I’ve lost my mind..

And you pull me toward you,
Sweet breath mixing with mine,
Intertwined together in a sensual dance,
Gently caressing the other’s lips.

Here I fall for you all over again,
Here is where you pull me close
and your hot breath brushes my ear,
The shivers running up my spine.

————

They try and try,
But it’s only you
who can pick me back up.

I just can’t help myself.

So stay where you are,
I need to be able to find you.
Even though you set me on fire.

Day breaks,
And what can I say?
I’m dying.

I just can’t help myself.

You consume me
with conspiracies and fevers
of worry and need.

You’ll always be my unforgettable love,
Even though you set us on fire,
With conspiracies and fevers
of worry and desire.

I tremble,
You could care less,
Eat me alive then.

I stumble over words,
Choking sobs
and hammering heart.

I just can’t help myself.

I’m alive, I think,
As my lungs pain their way
back to rhythmic breathing.

And my heart keeps up that hammering beat,
Pushing through my ears,
My chest.

I just can’t help myself.

I can’t forget,
I can’t regret everything we were.

I can only hate myself
for believing your promises,
that they actually meant something.

What can I say?
You consume me
with conspiracies and fevers
of worries and changes.

I just can’t help myself.

I want those old times
but they fade more into the backdrop
as time passes by me.

Too fast to relieve the pain,
Too slow to get over it,
What can I say?

You consume me
with conspiracies and fears
of worries and disappointments.

I lie awake as you torture my dreams,
With memories of what was and could’ve been.

I just can’t help myself.

I let it all flood back,
The daylight means nothing,
I just remember when you were mine.

It’s too tempting,
What can I say?
It’s killing me.

But now my choices involve dying,
Either with tears on my lashes
or a smile teasing my lips.

You consume me
with conspiracies and fears
of worries and dying without love.

What can I say?
I just can’t help myself.

I have since strayed
to the taste of coffee and cigarettes..
Lips I wish I could forget.

And as I lay here I can’t help but wonder,
Can anyone ever fill this void you left behind?

I want soft songs,
But they’re all love or sad ones,
Here the tears will bite again.

Numb to reality…

What can I say?

I just can’t help myself.

———————–

I stared in the mirror and just wasn’t sure who exactly was looking back,
I watched as I found my heart in the gutter, mangled and black.

The contusions seemed permanent,
A hole in my chest to remain vacant.

I never wanted sympathy, it just came.
I never needed lies from you, you were all the same.

My past self would haunt me,
And constantly taunt me, “Please, I beg you, finish what you start”,
And then I realized the whispers came from the fragments of my heart.

I was capable of only viewing ugly sights,
I was capable of only knowing how to fight.
I’d curse you til the tears gave way to sleep,
And then lie in nightmares my soul dared to keep.

Then the light came pouring in,
A full moon spilling over a country road.
He left my path in darkness still
but illuminated where I stood.

And as I came forward and grasped at his warmth,
It was a great moment as my eyes opened to reality.
He touched me, the pain ceased, a flood rushing forth.
A new kind of fire burning within me.

He took all the danger,
Replaced all my anger,
Love becoming all I know.

The memory’s pain still lingers
but his beautiful voice melts me away.

His beautiful love melts me away..

I don’t care if I disappear now,
I don’t care if we become lost somehow.

The only thing I care about is if we’re bound together.
The only thing I want to know is always and forever.